Now since the very beginning, my attitude and opinion on online dating was less than favorable, even though I never ventured into that realm before. Having a degree in Psychology I could not help but say to myself “do you have any evidence to support this”?

Yes, you guessed it, I needed proof to support my private claims, I needed the scientific method to lend credence to my theory. So I decided to test my theory in “real-time” and in cyber space. I used a popular social media platform to begin my experiment by joining a “dating group” in which I signed up and submitted a profile to be matched up with “the woman of my dreams”, or so they said.

After a few weeks in the closed social dating platform group, which consisted of answering open-ended questions about what you look for in a “potential partner” , deal breakers, would moving or travelling to another state be something you’d be willing to do if you met a good match…etc…etc. I was not even remotely impressed by any of the women in “the group” even though many of them “expressed interest” in my photo and profile.

Using Psychology, I decided to put forth my own “open-ended” question out to the group of women on the site. I asked all the women to send me a song, one song that has meaning to you from any genre, so “that I may know you better”, and before I knew it I was flooded with tons and tons of songs from these lonely women looking for love.

Even though I asked for “one song” the majority send three of four songs. I simply gave an analysis of each song from the women on the site that sent them, and took notes of their responses to ascertain their mental and emotional states, which was for many of them very unstable and despite of their age or education; still programmed by the “fairy tale factor” fed to females at a very young age, which sets them up to be disappointed when “real life” shows them relationships are no way near as they are depicted in movies, television, and romance novels. There is no knight in shining armor, no prince charming with a castle in the sky, no “Mister Big” who will swoop you off you’re feet and solve all of your problems. In addition, while beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I found most of these women, not even remotely attractive, in face or mentality.

But I was not here to look for a mate, I was looking for evidence to support my claims that online dating is not healthy for human social relationships, and is a breeding ground for predators (male and female), and a smoke screen for the socially awkward, and people with mental disorders to hide behind, in order to satisfy what ever unbalanced needs they are on the hunt for.

One women in the group responded to with a song that I liked, and was indicative of some intelligence that was lacking from the rest of the women in the group, to protect her identity I will call her (K1). K1 was very polite and easy going, if but a little too talkative and mostly talked about her job, but her hobbies was similar to mines and that gave us some enjoyable conversations at first. K1 and I also liked (mostly) the same music genre’s, fiction and movies.

After about a week I felt it was OK for her to have my number, and she went from texting me to calling me in a very short period of time. One night she turned the conversation to sex, and the topic rarely changed from that on her part. Soon after she started to present (after getting very comfortable) discernible mental disorders, such as OCD, Bi-Polar disorder, and even admitted to having a mental disorder in a casual conversation, but did not realize till a bit later. To her credit she owned it and did not try to understate it.  Now knowing what I knew, it didn’t take long for the other shoe to drop, and out of nowhere she had a episode of an anxiety attack while we were having a “normal” conversation and freaked out for no reason and hung up on me, leaving me clueless and perplexed. I found some evidence at last to support my previous claims, however I needed more.

Even though K1 apologized to me later on, she only ended up doing it again, in which I no longer wished to speak to her on any level, but that did not stop her from sending me very long winded texts apologizing further and understanding why I no longer wished to communicate with her.

Now a couple of months later I was approached by another female on social media whom I never met in person, and lived out of state like K1. I shall refer to this other woman as (K2), I know what your thinking, “fake weed” right? You got it!  K2 was very educated with a MBA in international business, but mad as a hatter and a bag of nuts! She presented a more advanced form of symptoms that K1 presented, but at a very alarming and dangerous rate, as in a very pronounced Electra Complex, and other forms of abuse and trauma stemming from a very young age, as well as a self proclaimed “seductress”, and “Cosmic Master Guru” in which she uses sexuality to lure in her prey, so that she may have power over them to feed her delusional notions and ideas.

After she got comfortable with talking to me, (yes I played along) she admitted to be seeing a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist, the one every week, the other once a month. So I knew very early on what I was dealing with, (and she’s even told me that she “Stalked” my Facebook page for quite some time looking at my photo’s before reaching out to me.) as she was trying to force her delusions and crack pot theories down my throat, all the while in between telling me all the sexual things she wants to experience with me, she was a hell of a case study indeed!

After conducting my experiments and experiencing online dating for the first time ever, I am now convinced of the overall dangers of this phenomenon in the 21st century. Now I’m also a realist, and sure that a small percentage (a very small percentage) of online dating works out, at least for a time which is very far and few between. Now for me I will have nothing to do with online dating going further, but for the gentleman who wants to take their chances and wish to try their hand at it, here is some tips to help you navigate as safely as possible.

1 in 10 users on free dating sites are scammers: about 10-15% of profiles on free dating sites are fake, because they are free, anyone, and everyone can join as opposed to site you have to pay for. Free dating sites that are larger or more popular the percentage of fake profiles can be much higher, like 20-30%. Think about it.

More than 55% of people in the U.S. exaggerate part of all of there profile:  eHarmony created an infographic  hat showed more than have of people in the U.S. make up part or all of their profiles. Age, height, weight, and income are just some of the characteristics people beef up to make themselves look and sound more attractive.

More than half of the women on online date sites are already in a relationship, and about 22% are married: Research has shown that more than 65% of women lie about their relationship status. Yes people take their rings off.

Four out of five women have sex on the first date, with someone they met online do not use protection: Stay safe both online and offline.

If She offers to send you nude picture of herself: If someone that you met online, and she offers to send you nude photos, run it’s a trap.

If she constantly over talks you, and only wants you to listen to her: this is a sign of a personality disorder, and should not be ignored.

Offers to “send” you money for no reason, and insists you take it: If it’s sounds to good to be true, than it probably is. She is setting you up for the con.

“Many women that mostly have a dysfunctional mind, with the emotional baggage of fear, anxiety or other mental conflicts and past hurts in interpersonal situations. They fear experiencing invalidation from the target of attraction because they use superficial categories to define the self and others as well as to predict the effectiveness of their possible relationships, ignoring the affection messages from the real people who are attracted them. All categories are just the maps or substitutes of social reality, not the reality itself. When people use categories to predict an interaction (but not pay attention to the other’s real communications, they will produce two outcomes:

a) avoiding love from right individuals, and,

b) approaching the wrong person(s).

This kind of distorted cognitions can only be rectified through the regular and face to face meaningful interactions, which help individuals find out that they are worthy of others’ love and appreciation.”

In other words, the best and most effective way to avoid the dangers and pit-falls of online dating, is to not do it at all, real life dating is complicated enough. So go out into the world and meet people in places that you never been before. Get out of you’re comfort zone and travel, meet new people in new places, broaden your scope. Who knows, you meet the women of your dreams.

In essence time management is about knowing all that you have to do and how much time you have available to do it and fit it into a schedule, and follow it so that you get the results that are desired. How do you go about this you might ask? Well first of all you have to organize your schedule, making the best use of limited time, and creating a realistic plan for accomplishing everything on you’re to do list.

Well the point being made here, is to use your time wisely. Tracking your time weekly, monthly, etc. Once you know how many hours have to work with on a daily to weekly basis you’re off to a good start. Now if you get like seven hours of sleep every night then you have about 119 hours a week to form into a schedule (This will include all daily activities). Now in order for this to really work you must at all cost avoid “PROCRASTINATION” (you know what I’m talking about), “I can always do it later, I have enough time”, “Just ten more minutes then I will get up and do it”. The list goes on forever as we all know, but sometimes we just can’t be honest about it with ourselves.

 Planning Ahead:

It’s all about priorities when it comes to managing your time. You can use a monthly calendar to help you allocate your time on your weekly schedule at the beginning of each quarter, and spend about an hour with your calendar to enter all important dates and deadlines, than estimate the time needed to prepare for them. At the start of each week, transfer important items from your calendar to your weekly schedule. This will help to avoid the things that might otherwise sneak up on you. You can also make use of the calendar on your computer or cell phone, in which you can set alerts and reminders.

By using these elements as well as other techniques you should be able to improve on your management of time in almost all areas of your life. The key is to stick to your schedule and you should be able to navigate your daily and weekly activities with relative ease. Now you don’t have to be a slave to your schedule, there is always room to adjust, and add new things in and around it. And one of the most important things, is always plan for down time to rest and renew yourself which should be included in all of your time management scheduling.

Now that we have explored some of the dynamics of time management, we should be able to follow some of these guidelines to create a custom daily, weekly and monthly schedule to use our time more efficiently. With just a little bit of effort I feel that we all can take advantage of these tools and live a more stress free life while going about our daily activities without running ourselves around in circles and saying, “Where does all the time go”? We all have heard the saying “Time waits for no one”, however we can make time work for us.

References:

Counseling Services, State University of New York at Buffalo (Time Management)

Reber, Deborah (2008). Chill: Stress-Reducing Techniques for a More Balanced, Peaceful You.

Taking Action, Time Management p28. (Simon Pulse, New York. London, Toronto, Sidney)