This gallery contains 3 photos.
This gallery contains 3 photos.
Now since the very beginning, my attitude and opinion on online dating was less than favorable, even though I never ventured into that realm before. Having a degree in Psychology I could not help but say to myself “do you have any evidence to support this”?
Yes, you guessed it, I needed proof to support my private claims, I needed the scientific method to lend credence to my theory. So I decided to test my theory in “real-time” and in cyber space. I used a popular social media platform to begin my experiment by joining a “dating group” in which I signed up and submitted a profile to be matched up with “the woman of my dreams”, or so they said.
After a few weeks in the closed social dating platform group, which consisted of answering open-ended questions about what you look for in a “potential partner” , deal breakers, would moving or travelling to another state be something you’d be willing to do if you met a good match…etc…etc. I was not even remotely impressed by any of the women in “the group” even though many of them “expressed interest” in my photo and profile.
Using Psychology, I decided to put forth my own “open-ended” question out to the group of women on the site. I asked all the women to send me a song, one song that has meaning to you from any genre, so “that I may know you better”, and before I knew it I was flooded with tons and tons of songs from these lonely women looking for love.
Even though I asked for “one song” the majority send three of four songs. I simply gave an analysis of each song from the women on the site that sent them, and took notes of their responses to ascertain their mental and emotional states, which was for many of them very unstable and despite of their age or education; still programmed by the “fairy tale factor” fed to females at a very young age, which sets them up to be disappointed when “real life” shows them relationships are no way near as they are depicted in movies, television, and romance novels. There is no knight in shining armor, no prince charming with a castle in the sky, no “Mister Big” who will swoop you off you’re feet and solve all of your problems. In addition, while beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I found most of these women, not even remotely attractive, in face or mentality.
But I was not here to look for a mate, I was looking for evidence to support my claims that online dating is not healthy for human social relationships, and is a breeding ground for predators (male and female), and a smoke screen for the socially awkward, and people with mental disorders to hide behind, in order to satisfy what ever unbalanced needs they are on the hunt for.
One women in the group responded to with a song that I liked, and was indicative of some intelligence that was lacking from the rest of the women in the group, to protect her identity I will call her (K1). K1 was very polite and easy going, if but a little too talkative and mostly talked about her job, but her hobbies was similar to mines and that gave us some enjoyable conversations at first. K1 and I also liked (mostly) the same music genre’s, fiction and movies.
After about a week I felt it was OK for her to have my number, and she went from texting me to calling me in a very short period of time. One night she turned the conversation to sex, and the topic rarely changed from that on her part. Soon after she started to present (after getting very comfortable) discernible mental disorders, such as OCD, Bi-Polar disorder, and even admitted to having a mental disorder in a casual conversation, but did not realize till a bit later. To her credit she owned it and did not try to understate it. Now knowing what I knew, it didn’t take long for the other shoe to drop, and out of nowhere she had a episode of an anxiety attack while we were having a “normal” conversation and freaked out for no reason and hung up on me, leaving me clueless and perplexed. I found some evidence at last to support my previous claims, however I needed more.
Even though K1 apologized to me later on, she only ended up doing it again, in which I no longer wished to speak to her on any level, but that did not stop her from sending me very long winded texts apologizing further and understanding why I no longer wished to communicate with her.
Now a couple of months later I was approached by another female on social media whom I never met in person, and lived out of state like K1. I shall refer to this other woman as (K2), I know what your thinking, “fake weed” right? You got it! K2 was very educated with a MBA in international business, but mad as a hatter and a bag of nuts! She presented a more advanced form of symptoms that K1 presented, but at a very alarming and dangerous rate, as in a very pronounced Electra Complex, and other forms of abuse and trauma stemming from a very young age, as well as a self proclaimed “seductress”, and “Cosmic Master Guru” in which she uses sexuality to lure in her prey, so that she may have power over them to feed her delusional notions and ideas.
After she got comfortable with talking to me, (yes I played along) she admitted to be seeing a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist, the one every week, the other once a month. So I knew very early on what I was dealing with, (and she’s even told me that she “Stalked” my Facebook page for quite some time looking at my photo’s before reaching out to me.) as she was trying to force her delusions and crack pot theories down my throat, all the while in between telling me all the sexual things she wants to experience with me, she was a hell of a case study indeed!
After conducting my experiments and experiencing online dating for the first time ever, I am now convinced of the overall dangers of this phenomenon in the 21st century. Now I’m also a realist, and sure that a small percentage (a very small percentage) of online dating works out, at least for a time which is very far and few between. Now for me I will have nothing to do with online dating going further, but for the gentleman who wants to take their chances and wish to try their hand at it, here is some tips to help you navigate as safely as possible.
1 in 10 users on free dating sites are scammers: about 10-15% of profiles on free dating sites are fake, because they are free, anyone, and everyone can join as opposed to site you have to pay for. Free dating sites that are larger or more popular the percentage of fake profiles can be much higher, like 20-30%. Think about it.
More than 55% of people in the U.S. exaggerate part of all of there profile: eHarmony created an infographic hat showed more than have of people in the U.S. make up part or all of their profiles. Age, height, weight, and income are just some of the characteristics people beef up to make themselves look and sound more attractive.
More than half of the women on online date sites are already in a relationship, and about 22% are married: Research has shown that more than 65% of women lie about their relationship status. Yes people take their rings off.
Four out of five women have sex on the first date, with someone they met online do not use protection: Stay safe both online and offline.
If She offers to send you nude picture of herself: If someone that you met online, and she offers to send you nude photos, run it’s a trap.
If she constantly over talks you, and only wants you to listen to her: this is a sign of a personality disorder, and should not be ignored.
Offers to “send” you money for no reason, and insists you take it: If it’s sounds to good to be true, than it probably is. She is setting you up for the con.
“Many women that mostly have a dysfunctional mind, with the emotional baggage of fear, anxiety or other mental conflicts and past hurts in interpersonal situations. They fear experiencing invalidation from the target of attraction because they use superficial categories to define the self and others as well as to predict the effectiveness of their possible relationships, ignoring the affection messages from the real people who are attracted them. All categories are just the maps or substitutes of social reality, not the reality itself. When people use categories to predict an interaction (but not pay attention to the other’s real communications, they will produce two outcomes:
a) avoiding love from right individuals, and,
b) approaching the wrong person(s).
This kind of distorted cognitions can only be rectified through the regular and face to face meaningful interactions, which help individuals find out that they are worthy of others’ love and appreciation.”
In other words, the best and most effective way to avoid the dangers and pit-falls of online dating, is to not do it at all, real life dating is complicated enough. So go out into the world and meet people in places that you never been before. Get out of you’re comfort zone and travel, meet new people in new places, broaden your scope. Who knows, you meet the women of your dreams.
Early last week as I was going about my day, I received a call from the distinguished gentleman and fashion designer Rob Owens, who first thanked me for the “beautiful article” that I wrote last fall covering Harlem Fashion week for the Elegant Classy Gentleman, in which his “Jazz Cats in Hats” fashion segment was an integral part of the very successful Harlem fashion week show. Mr. Owen’s, who went on to explain “I just saw the article the other day, as someone brought it to my attention.” As Mr. Owen’s continued, he relayed to me that he had spent some time, after reading the article that I wrote, tracking me down on Facebook to “Match the name with the face”, as we knew each other but never have been formally introduced to one another.
Rob then explained to me the reason for his call, “Mike, I would like for you to be one of three judges for my 6th Annual Harlem Derby Gala, being held at the famous Red Rooster in Harlem“. I being thrilled at the invitation graciously accepted and added. “While I’m there, would you mind if I take some photos and some video footage for a feature article covering the gala?” Mr. Owen’s response: “I wanted to ask if you were willing to do that, but I didn’t want to impose”. I told Rob that I was more than willing to cover the event, in addition to being one of his “Fashion Judges” for the four categories of best dressed male, and female, as well as best hat for both male and female, along with the other two female judges.
The Harlem Derby was inspired by the Kentucky Derby. and the black jockeys were the majority of the horse riders (13 of 15 jockeys). Co-founder Rob Owens created Harlem Derby Style to pay tribute to the major contributions of African Americans who helped make the Kentucky Derby was it is today since 1875 when the first Kentucky Derby race took place on May 17th in front of a crowd of 10,000 spectators.
Rob Owens also sells fashionable derby hats named after famed black jockeys from the rich history of the Kentucky Derby on his website Harlem Derby Style.com, which are quite dapper indeed! At the 6th annual Harlem Derby Gala patrons of all races come together in their finest attire (and hats, of course) to celebrate this amazing event for the last six years. Rob Owens who is a Kentucky native, now Harlemite (He’s lived in Harlem now for the last 30 years) has created something quite special in Harlem with this yearly event. Part fashion show, part sporting event, part social mixer and a whole lot of fun sets this gala apart from all the others in Harlem due to its seer uniqueness and community camaraderie.
As part of my duties as a fashion judge, I was obligated to mix and mingle with the crowd to ascertain who sported the best attire (and hat). Mingling with the crowd downstairs at Ginny’s Supper Club, and upstairs out on the patio of The Red Rooster, I spoke with men and women about their style and choice of hat for the event, and took photos of them to sift through who we would select for the best dressed (and hat) with the other two judges. An incredible experience it was indeed.
The Elegant Classy Gentleman team also was floating through the crowd to capture photos and video moments of the stylish Harlem crowd, and as I watched them from across the room, I could see the look on their faces as they enjoyed themselves vibing with the excitement and fashion of this wonderful gala.
Will we return next year for the 7th Annual Harlem Derby Gala? You Can Bet On It!
For more information, or to contact Rob Owens:
Rob Owens: email@example.com
Red Rooster Harlem
Ginny’s Supper Club
Harlem Derby Style
Elegant Classy Gentleman:
Mike Strange/Editor in Chief
Jean Germain: Logistical Executive/Contributing photos/Video
Jessica Phillip: Marketing Business Executive/Contributing photos
Need me to host or manage your next event? Send your inquiries to: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Live! Laugh! Celebrate!
In essence time management is about knowing all that you have to do and how much time you have available to do it and fit it into a schedule, and follow it so that you get the results that are desired. How do you go about this you might ask? Well first of all you have to organize your schedule, making the best use of limited time, and creating a realistic plan for accomplishing everything on you’re to do list.
Well the point being made here, is to use your time wisely. Tracking your time weekly, monthly, etc. Once you know how many hours have to work with on a daily to weekly basis you’re off to a good start. Now if you get like seven hours of sleep every night then you have about 119 hours a week to form into a schedule (This will include all daily activities). Now in order for this to really work you must at all cost avoid “PROCRASTINATION” (you know what I’m talking about), “I can always do it later, I have enough time”, “Just ten more minutes then I will get up and do it”. The list goes on forever as we all know, but sometimes we just can’t be honest about it with ourselves.
It’s all about priorities when it comes to managing your time. You can use a monthly calendar to help you allocate your time on your weekly schedule at the beginning of each quarter, and spend about an hour with your calendar to enter all important dates and deadlines, than estimate the time needed to prepare for them. At the start of each week, transfer important items from your calendar to your weekly schedule. This will help to avoid the things that might otherwise sneak up on you. You can also make use of the calendar on your computer or cell phone, in which you can set alerts and reminders.
By using these elements as well as other techniques you should be able to improve on your management of time in almost all areas of your life. The key is to stick to your schedule and you should be able to navigate your daily and weekly activities with relative ease. Now you don’t have to be a slave to your schedule, there is always room to adjust, and add new things in and around it. And one of the most important things, is always plan for down time to rest and renew yourself which should be included in all of your time management scheduling.
Now that we have explored some of the dynamics of time management, we should be able to follow some of these guidelines to create a custom daily, weekly and monthly schedule to use our time more efficiently. With just a little bit of effort I feel that we all can take advantage of these tools and live a more stress free life while going about our daily activities without running ourselves around in circles and saying, “Where does all the time go”? We all have heard the saying “Time waits for no one”, however we can make time work for us.
Counseling Services, State University of New York at Buffalo (Time Management)
Reber, Deborah (2008). Chill: Stress-Reducing Techniques for a More Balanced, Peaceful You.
Taking Action, Time Management p28. (Simon Pulse, New York. London, Toronto, Sidney)
SEXY MEANS BUSINESS: by Alexis Alexander
So yes an elegant man is appreciated in the work force but who said you can’t be that sexy, classy, fun boss chick that companies run to, to help make millions?? Being sexy in the workplace is a very controversial subject and the way women have been portrayed in advertising has transitioned drastically over the decades. What does sex have to do with it? Well, since the beginning of time companies have used sex as a marketing tactic to advertise and generate more sales in the 1890’s.
In 1942, Rosie the Riveter, was one of the first women used as the classic icon behind the campaign to recruit women to the workforce during World War II.
These ads were run by J. Walter Thompson who believed the sex sells theory in advertisement and marketing. Sex in advertising has been claimed as the reason behind increased consumer interest and sales. This technique is designed to arouse the interest in a particular product, service or brand according to one of the most professional online resources “The Balance” which is known for empowering and educating individuals to earn more, spend smarter, invest well and build a more secure future. Such companies like L’oreal, Victoria Secret, and even Fashion Nova use beautiful women to help sell products. Not only is it more appealing but it catches the eye of potential customers.
Public figure Celebrities like Tyra Banks, Kim Kardashian and Beyonce are used to model clothes, jewelry, and beauty products to help increase sells. Our daily news stations use beautiful news reporters like Demetria Obilor who endured body shaming to attract viewers. Body shaming has been going on for decades and it’s just now being accepted in our society today.
Now we have plus size models posing on the cover of Sports Illustration and commercial ads all over the world. We also have different Social media platforms who pay models such as Instagram models to attract people to Instagram but yet there’s still so much controversy. . . In a male dominated industry Women are looked down upon for being too sexy, being curvy or for showing too much skin however the bashing isn’t coming from majority of the men, it’s coming from the women. Models and strippers are bashed because of their profession and aren’t taking as seriously as they should.
No profession is easy. It’s not easy to wear heels for hours , stay trendy, work odd hours, travel to different places all over the world, take care of you hair , skin and nails meanwhile trying accommodate deadlines and making out time to eat healthy and work out at their gym. Just because you’re sexy doesn’t mean you’re less worthy or uneducated. It’s about using what God has blessed you with to get what you want and if its sells; so why not!
Being sexy doesn’t always mean you have to have sex. Sexy women and men are always good to look at and helps to make life more interesting. If everyone was dressed in business suits or worked at an office, life wouldn’t be as interesting as it is today because everyone would look and dress the same. There’s no fun in that, by the way; there’s still women who wear the business suits and look sexy in them and even they too are given the side eye at work.
According to the Huffington Post, former Love and Hip-Hop Reality Star turned American rapper Cardi B has a lot to say when it comes to women and their sexuality. According to Cardi B and the “Me Too” movement doesn’t support female hip hop artists or video vixens, after all they too are women in the entertainment industry. She talks about the disrespect that female artist and models face in the male dominated hip hop industry. She claims that if it wasn’t for models being featured in music videos a lot of these rappers wouldn’t have nice quality videos and it’s the sexy women that make the video more appealing.
So why do people disrespect and bash sexy women again?? This is the reason why my team and I covered the “Million Women March,” in 2017 in Washington DC right after Donald Trump’s Inauguration. It appeared to many people that our president didn’t have women’s best interest after the infamous recording Hollywood access released about Trumps shockingly admitting to his attempt to seduce a married women and indicated how he might kiss a woman that him and former President Bush were about to meet. He added “I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it ,you can do anything… grab them by the pussy.”
As I interviewed women who came to march from all over the country, they expressed how they felt discriminated due to their sex. I heard so many stories that almost made me cry, but as women we have learned to be tough and stand tall no matter the circumstances. Like I mentioned previously, a woman with crazy sex appeal doesn’t make you a whore, it’s is quite a job that most women struggle to maintain.
Even though few don’t want to admit that they secretly admire these strong and “Sexy” women. It costs to stay on top of your sex appeal which includes hair, nails, skin treatments, makeup, beauty products, dieting, going to the gym, photo shoots, keeping up with the latest trends, attending events and sometimes it involves having plastic surgery. Speaking of plastic surgery, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with “making enhancements” says Tyra Banks in her recent article with People Magazine. Tyra Banks revealed that she had a nose job early in her career and stated that “We as women need to stop judging.” she also claimed that “Perfect is boring,” and that either you’re super natural or you live at the plastic surgeon.
In my opinion, I believe that a person should do whatever makes them feel better about themselves as long as it doesn’t kill you or harm anyone else. It’s really sad that women are so quick to judge other women when we should stick together. When a woman behaves in this manner it shows a level of insecurity.
Begin to ask yourself, am I bold enough to flaunt my sexy or am I that insecure about myself that I have to bash other women to feel confident enough in my skin? Being sexy doesn’t have anything to do with your level of education, your worth as a human being with rights, or your contribution in the community. Being sexy is a state of mind and is not only something good to look at but something we all need to make the world go round. It’s called Balance. Everyone should feel sexy in their own skin and if it pays the bills, then why not embrace it because “Sexy means Business.”
About Alexis Ada Alexander:
“Growing up I’ve always been the girl who fingers were being pointed at whether it was good or bad.
The whole idea of peeling an orange is to eat it of course. The bright color of the sun , the shining orb like unto the one hanging in the sky, gives promise of the roundness and blinding color of the morning star.
As you are peeling off it’s bright skin, you can hear the soft hiss of citrus upon the tearing of the round fruit, like the soft purr of a small creature being petted. The sound of peeling an orange is akin to the din of the heavens on a soft cool summer afternoon.
The aroma of the small orb is like no other, as you slowly undress this fruit. The sending hint of citrus hanging in the air is like a scent of pleasure from a garden of hidden delight. Rich and sharp is the odor in the air as you are peeling it indeed.
An orange being peeled offers much to the palette for the one who is in fact engaged in the act. The flavor is tangy and charged with a hint of electricity as you indulge in it’s charged like essence.
and eating this fine fruit after the peeling is an experience on the tongue that is sure to leave traces of a garden at the edge of the meadow on your taste buds for quite some time!
On March 15th 2018 Dolce & Cabbana hosted an intimate and private cocktail event to launch their Spring/Summer fashion line that was by invitation only to select persons in the fashion industry. Of course The Elegant Classy Gentleman and team was there to sip champagne and martinis while perusing the incredible styles in their massive flagship store at 717 5th Ave.
(left to right: Jean Germain, Jessica Phillip, Mike Strange)
Being one of the first private guests to arrive, after about an hour I realized that there was not a runway nor any models. After pondering the theme for the D&C Spring/Summer Collection: King and Queen of Hearts, I than realized all of the invited guests including myself was the fashion show! Life imitating Fashion in a brilliant and intimate way that only Dolce & Cabbana could pull off in such elegance and style!
Adding even more class to this special event, there we’re very attractive waiters and waitresses clad in all black pouring champagne and serving martinis non-stop for the whole three hours of the event to all of the invited guests, as well as various delicious hors d’oeuvres. On the main and second floor card dealers amused guests with hands of Black Jack and Poker!
Photo Ops and Fashion was also on hand to entertain all of the guests that attended.
Also on the 2nd floor was the lovely and gracious Magdalena Llohis, jewelry designer, holding court, who’s unique and beautiful pieces can be purchased at D&G.
(Holding Court with Magda)
As we mingled with the other guests who were as stylish and diverse as New York itself, we found it quite easy to make friends and have a few laughs and fun.
Immediately after the event we all jumped in a cab (except Jessica, she had to leave) and head from 5th Ave downtown to the village for the D&G after party, which was also a launch party for Dekad magazine at a secret location.
After arriving at the after party the fun kicked into overdrive and the “Turn Up” continued in full swing!
Things started to get a bit fuzzy, so we grabbed a bite to eat and got water and headed home. But not before we hit the dance floor one more time!
Yes all is well in the Fashion world!
MIKE STRANGE: Editor in Chief
Jean Germain: Logistical Support Executive
Jessica Phillip: Contributing Photographer/Event Correspondent
Featured Photo: Fashion Bead Bracelets by Jessica Phillip, Justice by Justine.
Pre Spring Men’s Fashion Styles.
Post Winter Men’s Wear.
Boldly Springing Ahead……
Neuroticism is defined by psychology as a personality trait in which a person experiences the world, or rather the external environments around them that triggers Anxiousness, emotional instability, impulsiveness, self-pitying, being very touchy, feeling vulnerable, and over worrying. As one of the “Big Five Personality Model Factors”, it appears to also be the most negative and “self-defeating” of the five personality traits.
Now we’ve all displayed one, more or all of the “Defining Descriptors” of the big five personality model factors, so does that mean we are all crazy?
No. However “Each individual can be positioned somewhere on this personality dimension between extreme poles: perfect emotional stability versus complete emotional chaos. Highly neurotic individuals tend to be labile (that is, subject to frequently changing emotions), anxious, tense, and withdrawn. Individuals who are low in neuroticism tend to be content, confident, and stable. The latter report fewer physical and psychological problems and less stress than do highly neurotic individuals.”
(“German psychologist Hans Eysenck popularized the term neuroticism in the 1950’s by including it as a key scale in his popular personality inventory.”)
“The initial model of the big five traits was advanced by Ernest Tupes and Raymond Christal in 1961,but failed to reach an academic audience until the 1980’s. In 1990, J.M. Digman advanced his five-factor model of personality, which Lewis Goldberg extended to the highest level of organization. These five overarching domains have been found to contain and subsume most known personality traits and are assumed to represent the basic structure behind all personality traits.“
In the most recent studies of psychopathology on personality neurotiscism is usually the first variable in considering individual differences in many types of mental illnesses, such as anxiety, depression, obsessive compulsive, and hysteria.
“Current research data show persuasively that individual differences in neuroticism are substantially heritable (which means they are passed from parent to child). Heritability estimates based on twin studies generally fall in the 40–60 percent range. The remaining individual differences in neuroticism are attributed primarily to unique (nonfamilial) environmental differences; the shared familial environment appears to exert virtually no reliable influence on individual differences in neuroticism. Researchers speculate that an overreactive limbic system in the brain is associated with high levels of neuroticism, but specific neurochemical mechanisms or locations within the brain and nervous system have not yet been identified.”
A extreme level of neuroticism in individuals produce persons who are defensive pessimists. “They experience the world as unsafe and use fundamentally different strategies in dealing with distress than non-neurotic people do. They are vigilant against potential harm in their environment and constantly scan the environment for evidence of potential harm. They may withdraw from reality and engage in protective behaviors when they detect danger, real or perceived.”
“Because of their tendency to withdraw, highly neurotic individuals tend to possess an impoverished repertoire of behavioral alternatives for addressing the demands of reality. Consequently, they tend to engage in mental role-play (rumination and fantasy) instead of constructive problem-solving behaviors. In contrast to their impoverished behavioral repertoires, however, they may possess a rich inner world. Introspective and apt to analyze their thoughts and feelings, they are highly invested in seeking the true nature of their intra-psychic experiences.”
“Very attuned to their inner experiences, those high in neuroticism are also attentive to their physical discomforts. Their health maintenance behaviors (that is, consultations with a physician) are more frequent than those of individuals with less neuroticism. Although their complaints regarding health are more frequent, their objectively assessed health is not poorer than those low in neuroticism.” According to Eysenck’s personality dimension model, emotional-stability/interoversion-extraversion combine in varying degrees to produce predictable personality trait patterns. Eysenck’s third and less popular dimension model, “psychoticism”, which would describe people who presents traits such as coldness, cruelty, hostility and the rejection of social customs. Ironically, neuronic people tend to be more creative, especially if they have an artistic outlet.